Date:	2006-11-29 00:53
Subject:	My heart is chained down.
Security:	Public
Mood:	distressed
Music:	Zombie Girl-I want It

I can't say what I want to say.
So I get buried deeper.
Am I making myself a grave or saving myself from scrutiny?
Can a heart truely follow its dreams when it's broken.
Or am I just looking at the broken reflection of what I really want?
I need a new chance but keep turning others down.
Am I a complacent failure?

Date:	2006-11-20 18:48
Subject:	Meh.
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah
Music:	Kaizers Orchestra

I don't see a point anymore, it's dreary n' grey.
Life, funny thing.
Those pulsing colours have dulled and now sit idle.
Why, why must it be so vanilla?
Bland and cold?
Bleh.
So boring and empty.
I'm tired of this humdrum existence, I need something more.
Addiction to a puppet of something you can't have.
What a way to live and die, by the knife of another.
*sigh*

Date:	2006-10-11 03:48
Subject:	This fucking sucks.
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed
Music:	Chasing Cars

No, really.
It does.

Date:	2006-09-26 11:54
Subject:	Bweh heh heh, sleep for Josh.
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	Breaking Benjamin, lol

I gotta stay home today cause I had no homework done and only four hours of sleep.
So I slept till ten thirty when Rachel messaged me, which made me very happy.
Very very very berry kix very happy!
So I ate ramen too, but I want more soup.
I'll prolly make it in like twenty minutes.
I got Rachel her unicorn, he's pink 'n purple and his name is Techno Muffin.
He has stars on his ass and Trent Ressnor hair<3
I slept with him last night and my sis thinks I'm a total fruit.
Ho wellz~
Alright,
peave, love, ect.

Date:	2006-09-23 10:26
Subject:	Yay.
Security:	Public
Mood:	nauseated
Music:	Daft Punk-One More Time

I'm going to see Jackass II and look for a unicorn for Rachel.
Peace, bchs.

Date:	2006-09-14 15:57
Subject:	Rage.
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy
Music:	Big Poppa-Mindless Self Indulgence

I was pissed at Jen before, but it's getting worse.
She got my picture deleted from the yearbook last year.
All I have to remember is that she's gonna end up a drug addled mess just like her mother.
Crawling from one relationship to another.
Cynical happiness.
I fucking hate her so much, we had to apologize to each other.
She said the most pathetic apology ever.

HAPPY:
Rachel.
Amazing.
I can't describe how touched I am she's still here even after this....shit.
I can't describe her super QTness.
Love is the closest I can get it.
ILOVEYOUWHENYOUCALLMEBIGPOPPA.
Honestly, the girrrl is amazing.
She turned me onto godly music, love of similar things, her adorability, she makes me feel like a rainbow is exploding from my chest in happiness.
THROWYOURHANDSINTHEAIRIFYOURATRUEPLAYER.
AwwwuhIloveher.
<3

Date:	2006-09-10 15:56
Subject:	Fuckin happy<3
Security:	Public
Mood:	loved
Music:	Skinny Puppy-Dadyuwarbash

Happy happy happy.
Words can't describe my love for this girl.
I don't think I ever loved someone like this.
I've written love letters, drawn her, dreamt of her.
My miss Rachel has got her rainbow wrapped around my heart.
Last night she told me she doesn't dream, and what's she do?
Dreams of me<3333
OMG it's so cyute, absolutely adorable.
I'm willing to have a long range relationship.
Because if I feel this good talking to her, when I finally meet her PURE EXTASY.
Awwuh I just can't beleive how lucky I am.
It's like I'm infused with warm choclate mint cappuchino when I'm talking to her.
I feel so warm and happy, my heart is bouncy just thinking about her.
I didn't think I'd ever heal or feel love again, but she bandaged me up and made me whole.
No more scars or hurt, just her beutiful self and happiness.
I can say in all honesty I love her.
I've never loved someone as a whole, just pieces.
But this.
This is amazing.
I love you Rachel.

Date:	2006-09-07 23:34
Subject:	Owie.
Security:	Public
Mood:	loved
Music:	MSI-Bring the Pain

My knee hurts, I slammed into it cause I slipped on the stairs.
; 3;
I get paid tommorrow and my phone Saturday, I'm SO-OH-OH-OH excited.
I getta call a techy~
She's excited too, it's so adorable<3
I hope I get a big paycheck, cause none's going in the bank.
Phone, then MSI merch, and if I have any leftover some CDs.
Poor, will be what I am.
I need to assemble her package, *snicker*, that sounds dirty.
>:D
I drew a.....I dunno what on a receipt over three hours with only her on my mind.
And some chibis today in class.
Lawd, I need to move.
I wanna hold her n' love her~<321
*sigh*
Rachel, how can you be such a pimp over my heart?
ILU anyways, but still.
I has a homeworks, so night lj.
*mwah* (only Techy gets this GTFO)

Date:	2006-09-04 20:06
Subject:	:D
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful
Music:	Velvet Revolver-Negative Creep

Today was the gayest day of work ever, in the literal sense.
Me and Dylan Pester acted gay for each other.
It was hawt.
:0
I was super happy today, cloud nine like.
For reasons undefined.
I think I'm going to Razr with my next paycheck.
Well, I so wired I can't think.
Peace.

Date:	2006-09-03 18:19
Subject:	Hooray.
Security:	Public
Mood:	cynical
Music:	Cute Is What We Aim For-Risque

Well, I feel better today.
Still feel depressed but over the same shit.
Women.
Oi.
Fuckin' bollocks I tell ya.
All my songs are making fun of me too I think.
"When can I know you, touch you, love you?"
"I've got the gift of one liners, and you've got the curse of curves.
And with this gift I compose words.
.....skip some...
You're a dead fit, but my wit won't allow it."
Or simple as "I want you".
What's a crush to do?
Another song, her's, if I sing I'll get happy a while then sad.
Everything is reminding me of her.
It's like an acid trip full of rainbows and fairies with a let down of pain.
I feel like birds are in my ears when I'm talking with her, but a devil is waiting round my shoulder.
Somebody shoot me.
I feel like sitcoms are suddenly more realistic only with less sappy emotions.
I need a hug.
My journal always sounds so fuckin' emo.
I need to punch more babies or something.
Make it actually interesting besides my bitching and moaning.

Date:	2006-09-02 22:57
Subject:	The happiest agony.
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused
Music:	Velvet Acid Christ

So today I was happy and sad.
Happy cause I got 270 dollars worth of clothes from Von Maur, so not that much.
I got a jacket, track hoodie, two tees, and a hat.
Alex is going to hate it for being a "pseudo-hat", which I'll love.
So that's the reason I was happy, that and work.
I'm sad because I've lost who I am and what I want.
I don't know where I fit in anymore, no one in Nebraska likes what I do, in entirety, or makes me happy.
That's not entirely true, I can get happy, just in a....deeper way.
The only people I have live hundreds of miles away from me.
One in specific, whom I would die of happiness if I were to meet her.
I have friends, it's just most arn't really friends.
Chase isn't Chase anymore, we don't do shit together.
Marc is a fucking prick who can't help but tell lies.
Aaron, doesn't do anything, doesn't even talk.
Ben, well he just fucking left.
I think I like work more than school because we all like each other.
I feel fake, life's got me dejected.
Love is a little bitch, I find someone I like and distance happens.
That's two times now.
It's like Nebraska is this great void at the center of what I don't want.
Life just happened to drop me on my ass.
I'm playing with the puzzle, but the pieces don't fit.
I know people who know me better than me, they tell me something they like and I can't help but be amazed.
Someone take me away.
Anyone.
Unless your a pedophile or rapist.
Or I don't like you.
If I do, take me away from here.
I feel cheated.

Date:	2006-08-31 14:19
Subject:	I am the ferret, err walrus.
Security:	Public
Mood:	rushed
Music:	THere's Blood on Our Hands-DFA1979

A Scanner Darkly.
Beutiful movie, but totaly trippy.
Like the rest of the day I was so out of it, well and I was depressed but I think that just adds to the atmosphere.
So school is gonna be interesting this year.
Algebra is going to be hard as I remember NONE of it.
Gov Politic is gonna be fun, Mr.Gillotti is awesome.
Umm, Business law is gonna be one big debater playground.
Journalism is gonna be boring and shit, plus super easy.
Lunch is gayer than the fact Elton John is having a hip-hop alblum.
I have Brendan and Aaron, it's so boring.
I might have to sit with Rayon and Co, this is the bollocks.
So I bought Death From Above 1979's alblum and they are le' seckz.
I'm very happy about the number of goff/emo/punk-esque girls at our school this year.
I know they're almost all posers but still, they look pretty.
Ummmm, I want to kill Marc.
He's somehow either brilliant, so brilliant he acts stupid so people underestimate him, or just brilliant.
THe bastard is like a spider of lies.
Speaking os spiders.
Giant one last night as I was coming up the stairs and turned the light on.
I almost screamed but got a shocked gurgle instead and nearly ripped my finger nails off from grabbing the rail so hard.
My mom was gonna kill it but had to get my dad out of bed it was so scary.
I'm such a bitch but I have a cold sweat and knotting of the chest thinking about it.
Absolutely terrifying.

Date:	2006-08-27 21:02
Subject:	Eww.
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious
Music:	Imagine

The Starship nine is filthy.
It is a disgusting building.
It needs to be destoryed, the floors and counters have a coating of grime.

Tangent:
I was sad today cause I wanted to stand in the rain and smile n' stuff but it only drizzled. It made me very depressed.

Greg plays warhammer.

Beck is better than the Beatles.
Proof:
Beck can stop bullets, John Lennon can't.

Date:	2006-08-22 23:22
Subject:	Natural industrial.
Security:	Public
Mood:	curious
Music:	The loudest silence.

INDECISION.
Consumes what I am.
What I be.
Did you ever draw a knife to realize it was a gun.
Ever slit your wrists with a bullet.
Bang.
That's just no fun.
I mean hell.
Where's the blood?

Date:	2006-08-17 23:57
Subject:	Eh.
Security:	Public
Mood:	artistic
Music:	RJA

I come to betray, to slay your inner inhabitions.
Somethings in the way, but I'll try to find my way.

Hooray, I'm dead!
Or so I'm told, but in these circumstances there is no need to be bold.
I can't seem to think of anything to say, on the note of me passing away.
But enough of this children, allow me to end the play.
I have but one regret, that I could not see Snakes on a Plane.
I saw Poe bow before our entrance, out movies home, and Chase's unkempt mane.
Oh but the snakes upon that plane, how I miss Jackson's phrase.
For he's tired of those mutha fucking snakes, upon his plane.

Date:	2006-08-08 22:12
Subject:	I'm not dead.
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick
Music:	The Feeling

Just sick.
I haven't posted since Anime Iowa.
And then I got sick.
And still am.
AI was completely awesome.
I only slept 9 hours total from Thursday to Monday.
Which is why I asume I am sick.
But it was so worth it.
I discovered the most beutiful EVA unit 01 and three gundam action figures.
Plus a forth Hokage plush and gundam mini pencil shrpener.
Oh, and a black katana.
Plus the panels and cosplayers.
I loved AI.
And Jen.
She brought mr V for Vendetta.
<3
On that note my paycheck is gonna be like 80 dollars.
</3 But I'm tired. So goodnight.

Date:	2006-07-29 23:44
Subject:	I need a hug.
Security:	Public
Mood:	restless
Music:	AFI

I need to cheer up.
I don't know what's got me down.
I heard "Fat Bottom Girls" by Queen and suddenly I'm depressed.
I guess even subconsciously I hate fat people.
Love has what's got me down, takin me down n' round n' round.
*sings to self*
Ho well.
I almost wish I was cosplaying cause getting glomphed sounds good about now.
Hugs from strangers even sound good I guess.
Maybe it's these tight jeans I'm wearin' but somethings got me emo.
Plus I work early tommorrow.

Man, I need a catharsis.

Wanted:Lover.
Needs to have similar interests and non-depressive personality.
Won't get caught twice.
Send forms to 549 west Cu-
Awwww nevermind.
;-;

I'm single.
Sally and I decided we need to see people we can actually.....well, see.
With her being sick still and such, it's for the better.
I kinda saw this coming so I'm okay with it.
More bad news, [DT] and Richard are both leaving gaia.
Although I'm happy with gaia as I'm in das' new guild.
Anime Iowa is looking good.
If I have a hundred and thirty dollars afterward I'm buying a custom Organization XIII robe off ebay.
Although I doubt I'll have that much.
I think I'm just gonna wear normal clothes+my OMG to AI.
Plus a pin with my avatar from gaia and my username.
Cause no one looks like me from any shows.
Thus the robe also, I can just flip the hood up.
Alright, I'm tired.
Night LJ.

Date:	2006-07-14 21:48
Subject:	Love is over.
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious
Music:	It's one o'clock Friday morning.

Well I've been on a roller coaster today.
I thought Sally didn't like me so I was sad.
Then I got my paycheck and was happy.
Then was sad cause I counted bags and did nachos for 3 hours.
Then was happy cause I got sent home early.
Then was sad cause Sally hadn't returned my calls for like a week.
But then she called and explained her phone didn't process them till like an hour later.
So now I'm drained.
I need a catharsis, or emotional release for you non-smart people.
I need to cry or hug someone or something.
;-;
But happy time, I got paid 260 dollars.
All of it is going to Anime Iowa, so is my next pay check.
It will be glorious.
About 500 dollars for it, though 150 goes to registration and hotel.
I should get my George Lucas in stormtrooper armour soon also.
My theme line of "Countdown to the disapointment" could come swinging back with full force or have a full turn around.
I'm at a crossroads of emotional stability.
Emo, nëin?
I just want a grip on my life, cause it's slipping through my fingers like sand.
I want to just scream or laugh or something.
I should be okay but damn, I feel like a soap opera right now.
Only with out the flowing hair and rippling muscles.
Oh wait.
Scratch that.
>:D

Date:	2006-07-06 23:57
Subject:	You gotta be fuckin' me.
Security:	Public
Mood:	blank
Music:	iTunes-random

Well.
I should be some sort of strong emotion.
But I'm not.
I dunno' why.
But, I'm just at peace.
The reason being is I was supposed to hang out with Sally today but didn't get to.
She stayed out too long last night so couldn't go out today.
I've seen her twice this week but haven't been able to even kiss her.
Not even once.
Since I was on clock, I can't touch anyone.
We're not even supposed to touch our co-workers.
@w@'
But I dunno, I had some undecipherable emotion earlier.
But it just went away.
Right before I changed plans and went to Superman with Louis.
God, he is the biggest dick ever.
Superman.
Not Louis.
I hate superman.
It was an okay movie though.
Could've been better.

Oh well, night LJ>